When my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, I didn’t see it coming. I was devastated. I thought we would always be together, but here she was telling me to “move on” and “find somebody else.” She even stopped answering my calls. Amazingly, though, a few months later, we are back together, and now we are engaged. We couldn’t be happier. If you think getting your ex back is impossible, think again.
How did I do this? And, more importantly, how can you do this too? First, we need to determine a couple of things. Did she dump you? If so, what reason did she give you for ending the relationship? If it was something generic and vague like “it’s not you, it’s me” or “we’ve grown apart,” I can help you figure out the real reason, and it’s most likely one of two possibilities. It may even be both:
- She isn’t satisfied
- She found someone else
Now, if she is no longer satisfied in the relationship, then it’s likely because you were too nice or you weren’t nice enough. I know it sounds crazy, but women need a balance of both, once the scales are tipped one way or another and not tipped back then they lose interest – fast. So, I assure you that even though you may have tried everything, you haven’t tried this!
We’ve all heard the saying that ‘nice guys finish last’ and there is a lot of truth to that. It’s because the nicer you are, the less confident you seem, and the attractive you are to women. If you’re too nice of a guy, you come across as a friend. This is important to note, as she is not threatened by male friends and will be comfortable keeping them close, but for you, that means no end zone in sight.
Follow these simple rules and she’ll start to see you in a new light:
- Stop gushing over her and telling her that she’s the best thing that ever happened to you
- Don’t be the first to contact her – wait until she texts/calls you
- Don’t show insecurity about who she’s with or what she’s doing
- Don’t be the first to say “I love you.”
- Let her come to you for affection
Attraction is primal, and in the wild, the female animals only seek out the most superior males. So, as in the wild, once she perceives you as superior, she will instantly change her view of you and will want you back immediately.
- Refresh Yourself:
- Fix your bad habits or whatever it is that she constantly complained about (i.e. put the toilet seat down, cut back or cut out your video games, clean the house, quit smoking, etc.)
- Get a makeover – you will want to look your best when she sees you again, so buy some new clothes and get a sexy new haircut – enlist the help of a gay friend or sister for this one
- Get counselling – if you need it. Do you have anger issues or are you emotionally unavailable? Go to a couple of therapy sessions to see if you can repair yourself; or if the issues were with the both of you as a couple, book a couples counselling appointment to show your commitment to repairing the relationship.
- Prepare to Get Her Back
- Give her space. She will need space to breathe, to think, and to see that you’re not chasing her. I’m talking at least 2-4 months. Use this time to focus on yourself and change.
- Stop calling and texting her; this makes you appear needy and weak. Instead, let her come to you and wonder what you are doing. It may take a few weeks, but she will eventually cave.
- Start hanging out with another girl or group of girls – wing women if you will. You want to show her that other women see you as a good catch.
- Get her back
- Hang out ‘as friends’ and be funny, confident and playful – she needs to see that you appear to be moving on to win her back.
- Once you have established a “Friend Zone,” where she texts and calls you of her own free will, ask her out on a date, but don’t call it a date. Ditch the mutual friends and start spending time alone.
- Have a plan for when things do go wrong or your first argument or fight, so she sees that you truly have changed.
Now if you’re at a loss for words to write a letter or to say in person, my friend gave me a letter that made all the difference in getting my girl back. You can read a copy of it here.
At this point, she will see you as a friend and will accept your apology because it is the right thing to do; this will set the foundation for step 2 in your Relationship Rewind.